Our Questions and Answers




	These our some answers to frequently asked questions in our HYA group. If you want to respond to our HYA members or POST your our topic of conversation, come to our BULLETIN BOARD. You can look at what others have to say simply by registering. If you want to post or respond you have to log in after registering What do you do to stay on track once the treatment is over? I keep up with continuing support, like HYA for example. I take time everyday to focus on me. I try to relax when little things come up with my health, but I try to stay on top of things if anything seems wrong. I do holistic things, like visualization or acupuncture. I subscribe to an email server on my cancer. I listen to my body and take one day at a time. What do you do to keep a positive attitude? I try and keep my sense of humor. I like to surround myself by positive people, and I even eliminated some negative people from my life. I minimize my contact with people who are continually critical of me. I take time off to focus on fun things and realize how happy I am to have the privilege to focus on other things. I watch funny movies because I think laughing helps I read positive books and say positive affirmations to myself I like to listen to music that fires me up! How do I maximize my chance for survival? I treat my body well. I quit bad habits, eat well and exercise, but I am also relaxed about it too, and allow myself to treat myself once in awhile. It is all about balance. I improved my chances of survival by "looking out of the box", challenging my doctor about treatment suggestions and finding as much as I could about my cancer. It was really helpful for me to know the resources to find out what I needed to know. For me, I didn't want to find everything about it- I wanted to just trust my doctor and do what I was told, and just relax. I worked to develop a positive attitude- I decided not to give up- mind over matter. For me, a positive attitude was knowing that I could have power over my illness by making choices and making changes in my life which made me feel positive that I was having an effect over my illness. I decided not to believe any statistics! For me it was a combination of things: good medical care, herbal medicines, support groups and visualizations. How has the experience of having cancer changed you? I decided to give myself the freedom to do what I wanted to do in my life and to drop some of the roles that I was playing which really didn't fit me. I appreciate life more and am more willing to smell the roses, even though I am a guy! I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. My priorities are much clearer now and they are much more weighted on the family than the career side. That doesn't mean that I don't have the drive, I just don't go after things as aggressively . I enjoy each day to its fullest! I am more focused on some long term goals of making a difference in this world. I now do all the things that I have always wanted to do and quit dreaming and started doing. I really go after those things that are most important to me. How do you get the real story from your doctor? Be persistent and be upfront from the beginning. I write my questions down and have someone else go with you so in case you don't remember to ask it, they can. Sometimes I even fax the questions before the appointment. If doctors don't have time to listen to your questions, than get a new doctor! I do my research and then ask my doctor why certain things are being done or not being done. I get copies of all my reports. I recommend getting a second opinion if you want. Trust your instincts and if something is wrong, ask for what you need. Don't be afraid to ask a question if you are afraid to hear the answer. If too many doctors are part of the puzzle, make sure to ask if they give you conflicting opinions. Tell the doctor how much you would like to know. How do I tell my doctor that I want to fire him or her? If you think something is wrong, follow your hunch despite what the doctor says, and trust your instincts if you feel things which are happening in your body. This is your health and your life and you should feel comfortable with your doctor. I feel that the patient should be in control. Fire him or her if you need to, but make sure that you have another doctor in place before firing them. Even if you are young, insist on the care that you need. Firing someone who has not done you the correct service can be empowering and releases lots of energy for healing. How do I tell my doctor that I want a second or a third opinion? Second opinions are part of the business so valid doctors should not feel threatened. I was hoping to find someone who is better suited or who had more experience to treat my specific type of cancer. Sometimes the doctor who gives you a second opinion can actually work with your primary physicians, so then you can have two very talented doctors watching you like a hawk. You have to be honest with your doctor. This is your decision, not there's. Asking for another opinion should not be a threat, but a sign that you are a proactive patient. Second opinions is best obtained from someone who is more of a specialist than your doctor, such as a research hospital. Where or who do you go to for support? The best people that I have found for support are those that have had cancer. For local groups in your area, check with the American Cancer Society in your area. I go to HYA- it is both a support group and a source for social support with people who have been through what we have been through. I like being surrounded by people with positive attitude, but also people that I can cry with if I need to. Family and friends can be a great support, but it was important for me to tell them the best way which they can help. Don't forget that kids can be a big support too! Mine make me laugh and sometimes I forget about everything else that is going on for a little while. How do you tell your friends, co-workers or boss you have cancer? I needed to tell my boss because he had to understand how my life was going to change and to know, as best as possible, what to expect. I wanted to feel as normal as possible so I didn't feel like I had to tell everyone . I let my clients know that they might need to be patient with me as far as getting their work completed. I gave them the choice if they wanted to stay with me or not. My boss said for me to tell him when I was ready to transition, which gave me the power to decide when and if my job responsibilities would change. Initially I told everyone. As time has gone by, I tend to be more discrete in who I tell. How do you find a good doctor? I did my research and asked people I knew. I asked around and got referrals. We asked doctors if they were the best doctor for my type of cancer in the United States. I asked, "If it was your wife, what would you do?" Don't be afraid to ask that question! I asked other people in the hospital, like the x-ray technician. How do people treat you if they know about your cancer? People were especially nice to me. People remember I have had a problem and ask me how I am doing. Sometimes people come up to me and share their stories about people they know with cancer just to make a connection. Sometimes people can be insincere, overly concerned or melodramatic. Sometimes people feel awkward or even don't want to come over or call because they don't know what to say. Sometimes people are afraid and just leave. Sometimes people become closer or take on roles which they hadn't played before. Sometimes people would be afraid to call me, but they called other people to check in on me, and I would hear about their concern second-hand. How and when do you tell someone about your illness? It is easier to talk about having "had" cancer than "having" it: it is easier to tell if you have survived a long time. I waited until they knew me well enough until I felt comfortable that they knew me well enough that they could make an appropriate decision, and not just flee. There is no easy way to tell someone. It is a matter of trusting the person. Often cancer comes up in conversation in other ways, such as being out of work for 6 months, my volunteer interests in working for cancer causes, etc. I have found out that the longer that I avoid telling someone about the cancer, the more it seems like I am covering somethi ng up. Sometimes people admire me for my fight against cancer and having had cancer is actually a selling point! They are curious how I survived and are impressed about my attitude and priorities. Sometimes I talk about it indirectly and see if they ask more questions. When you have a sizable scar, it can be pretty difficult not to say something! What do you think is the key to your successful remission? I think it is a combination of things. The medical treatment and my doctors were a big part of it. Prayer helped me a lot. I believed in my heart that I was going to beat it. The support of my family and friends helped a lot. I try to keep healthy. Acupuncture, herbs, and exercise helps keep my immune system strong helps me feel in control. Visualization also helped me feel powerful and relaxed. I stay optimistic, enjoy each moment, work out whenever I can and get together frequently with friends. My faith, family, friends, great doctors, and my positive mental attitude were all parts of it. What do you ask of people for support? Be there when I ask for help. Let me be independent when I want to try to do things on my own. Let me make my own decisions, but help me get the information I need. Let me know that I know what is right for me. Help me have hope and make me laugh. Make sure to remind your support person that they need support too. I ask for love and understanding. I try to let people know that I am not looking for a solution, but just someone to listen. If people are not being helpful I try to let them know in a caring way. How do you get back to a normal life? I started doing things a little at a time. I set goals while I was sick for what I wanted to do when I got better. I realized just how much time it takes to get back to normal, and I have learned to be patient with the process. Sometimes I want to go,go, go but my body stops me. I have had to learn to accept where I am. Little by little I have tried to make changes in my life and sometimes I try something and it works and other things don't. I guess it is trial and error until I find what the right balance is for me. I have realized that cancer will always be part of me. My idea of what "normal" is has changed because what used to be is different now. It is a different baseline, but I still can keep improving. I listen to my body, and when I am tired, I rest. I try to remember the lessons I learned from my cancer, like stopping and smelling the roses or not sweating the small stuff. Sometimes I regress back into my "old self," and I have to stop and remind myself what it is all about. It was definitely hard for me to get into the swing of things. I had to have realistic expectations and give myself a break now and then. After all, I have been through a hell of a lot!